ITS JUST YOU AND ME

Relational Astrology: What your rising sign can tell you about the “Other” in your life.

Friendships, co-workers, lovers, enemies. From the moment of your birth, there is a part of your chart that tells you about the recurring dynamics of all “others” you will encounter throughout your life. Where there is not you, there is someone else. This is where we meet the 7th house.

Everyone who loves astrology finds themselves being pulled obsessively into one direction or another. Some people have a natural proclivity towards the predictive arts; others have incredible minds for ancient study, sifting through thousands of years of obscure hellenistic texts and prophetic manuscripts, warnings of comets and catastrophic eclipses which topple kings and wash over the land. Many people want to know about the world now, about patterns and cycles, or of synastry: the language and predictions of love that we carry from our exact moment of birth. The well is so deep, so ancient and extensive that it can feel overwhelming, easy to become fixed on one area alone or paralyzed before you’ve begun. I would say the ultimate goal is to synthesize as much information as possible, and then to follow your nose and intuition where it guides you.

Origin Stories

Mostly everyone I know who has fallen in love with astrology has the same origin story. They wanted to know more about themselves. All learning starts from within the self, the unconscious mind, the examination of identity. Who am I, separate from others? Who am I in opposition to others? Who am I merged with the collective? Who is the “other” anyways? The best place to begin the study of self is to look at your own chart: your psyche, your blueprint, your narrative. Branch outwards from there until the “you” becomes a tiny, vital nexus within the expansive and complex web of your entire cosmic design, and a larger picture will begin to emerge.

At eleven years old, idle at a summer music camp, I picked up an old astrology book left on a shabby dorm coffee table and never looked back. First, I wanted to know about myself. Then, having voraciously consumed everything I could understand, my curiosity turned towards. . . everyone else. Who of my friends was I most compatible with? Why was that insufferable violinist in my chamber group so obsessed with playing every note perfectly, bullying us into practicing until our little finger calluses turned purple? (Turned out he was a Capricorn.) What made my roommate so dynamic and hilarious and self assured? (She was a Leo.) It all made too much sense not to be real! This language helped to expand my understanding of others where previously I had felt mystified and at times, alien. Beginning to learn about personality types, to identify patterns, to give spaciousness and mystery to the internal experience of others, rather than seeing things from my then limited and self-centered point of view was a huge turning point for me emotionally and socially.

I am a double Aries, after all, and we are firstly concerned with the idea of identity. It’s not about egotism or narcissism; for an Aries, the true answer to all things in external life begins from a natural occupation with the question of selfhood. Much like the infant that is born into the world with a clear urge to survive- a motivation to live and to thrive, Aries energy expresses itself through advocacy for the individual. Me! Listen to me! Look at me! I exist! Only through advocating for the self can we begin to extend our awareness to the “Other.” This is one divine teaching of the sign’s expression.

Your “Other”

In your chart, right now, there is a placement that tells you about the “other” in your life. While some astrologers may encourage you to think of this as your “other half”, I would emphasize that this placement doesn’t simply tell of romantic relationships or “soul mates”, but of energetic partnerships of all kinds. Friendships, co-workers, lovers, enemies. From the moment of your birth, there is a part of your chart that tells you about these dynamics, the recurring themes of all “others” you will encounter at different times of life. Where there is not you, there is someone else. This is where we meet the 7th house.

(I want to note of course that there are many layers of astrological theory that inform of marriage, siblings, children, and “others” in our lives. We look to each house to give us information, to chart patterns, planetary rulership, to aspects. It’s important not to make assumption based on any one piece of information alone. The 7th house however, being the house of partnership, is the perfect place to start.)

If you know your rising sign, also known as the “Ascendant,” we can start simply. Your “Other”, is the sign opposite your rising, also known as its sister sign. My rising is Aries. My “other” will always be Libra, Aries sister sign. While the sun is our ego, our external expression, our primal motivation, our rising sign is “us”: our persona, identity map, our bodily container, the first, catalyzing impression we emit as we go about our daily lives. It directs the way we interpret all things outside of ourselves and is the focal through which people in return interpret us. It is a potent snapshot of the energy we exude to the world, and most importantly tells us about our polarities and the things we require for balance and fulfillment.

The Ascendant is our beginning, the ruler of our 1st house, the imprint of the sign that was rising on the eastern horizon at our exact moment of birth. As our “other” is exactly opposite from our rising sign, it is known as the “Descendant” or ruler of the 7th house of partnerships. The 7th house promises expression of the energies which oppose our rising sign through people, representing all that we are drawn to and all and must experience from others in our lifetime.

Using This Practically

I will use myself as an example. I am an Aries sun, with an Aries rising. (yikes! I know.) As Libra is the opposite sign of Aries, Libra rules my 7th house of “others.” As a double Aries, I am (sometimes) bold, fiery, impulsive, like to pursue, and usually say what I mean and mean what I say. These parts of my personality were even stronger when I was a young child, before societal and patriarchal expectations pressed and tempered this natural energy into something more “palatable.” I had a lot of raging, teary outbursts as a child. I felt things very strongly. In time I learned to repress my anger, to subdue it, to a point where it festered in my body and seeped out through chronic physical pain in my head and neck. Also a classic Aries expression (Aries rules the head; I liken Aries energy to Athena springing forth from Zeus’s fiery Migraine.) It has taken a lot of time and untangling to find myself and emotionally regulate through the restrictions I internalized from years of being told I was “too much” as young person.

My other: While Aries rules the individual, Libra rules partnership, diplomacy, beauty, harmony, togetherness. As the 7th house is the energy we naturally seek in partnership, bringing balance and answers to our curiosities, I find myself easily drawn to people with more Libran or Venusian (Venus co-rules Libra) qualities. I am distressed by injustice, put off by rudeness and cruel manners (Libras are notoriously diplomatic), drawn to the classical and physical aesthetics of beauty (Venus delights in beauty of course) and find myself surrounded, unintentionally, by Libra placements of all kinds: My mother, uncle and both my grandmothers were Libra’s. My sister, aunt, and three dear friends have Libra moons. My dog is a Libra! At one point in college I even realized my therapist was a Libra. (It didn’t work out.) I am sure I even have some Libra enemies, although they’re so charming and reluctant to reveal themselves as adversaries I may never know.

Lastly, our Descendant shows us not only what were drawn to, but the energies which we need to learn and strengthen. As a Mars ruled person with an Aries stellium, I am overrun with Martian energy, and discovered - to my surprise, that I could benefit by learning some diplomacy, tact, and flirtatious strategy. Libra’s are incredibly good at remaining ambivalent while they gather information. Their coolness allows them to keep everyone happy while secretly getting their way, all while being genuinely concerned with the fair thing to do. Aries have a tendency to rush in, so worried we’ll be misunderstood that we trample on all ambiguity before we’ve had a chance to decide if we really want the thing we’re so insistent on fighting for. I’ve learned a lot from my Libra companions and feel that leaning into what I don’t have naturally has allowed me to cultivate and strengthen my character innumerably.

Your Descendant Based on your Ascendant

You Your “Other”

Aries (Mars) Rising Libra (Venus)

Taurus (Venus) Rising Scorpio (Pluto)

Gemini (Mercury) Rising Sagittarius (Jupiter)

Cancer (Moon) Rising Capricorn (Saturn)

Leo (Sun) Rising Aquarius (Uranus)

Virgo (Mercury) Rising Pisces (Neptune)

Libra (Venus) Rising Aries (Mars)

Scorpio (Pluto) Rising Taurus (Venus)

Sagittarius (Jupiter) Gemini (Mercury)

Capricorn (Saturn) Cancer (Moon)

Aquarius (Uranus) Leo (Sun)

Pisces (Neptune) Virgo (Mercury)

Think to the “other” in your chart. Ask yourself what experiences you’ve had with this sign, how they’ve made you feel, what the qualities stir within you. In terms of Romantic relationships, you may not end up with a partner that has your descendant in their “Big Three” (sun, moon, or rising) but you will find yourself naturally drawn to these qualities, or that your ideal partner embodies some of this sign’s constitution and teachings.

I would also like to note that conversely, this “other” energy could be challenging. It may feel grating, oppressive or counterintuitive. Perhaps you’ve had difficult and discordant experiences with this sign. Astrologically, we are working with true “oppositional” energy which will feel more uncomfortable for some than others. Opposites certainly attract, but they also have a tendency to clash. Look further to the planet the sign is ruled by. Learn more about that energy. See what its doing in your chart. Are there hard aspects or harmonious ones?

Most importantly to remember, you do not need anyone to complete you. You are not a ‘half’ waiting to become ‘whole’. You are completely, robustly, concisely yourself. Think of your other as an element which is always recurrently bringing balancing, new, and magnetic information to your life, rather than a missing piece waiting in the wings.

Aries Rising

We’ve devoted enough time to Aries rising so I’ll be brief! You’re drawn to Venusian people who can offer balance, nuance, diplomacy and flirtation to your dynamic, head-first approach. I think of the Libra’s in my life as a cool, lacy balm to my Martian impulses. I have gained a lot of skills through observing their tact.

Taurus Rising

If you have a Taurus rising, you know how to build a foundation and stay fixed in order to grow from your roots up. You are devotional to your practices and to your loved ones. Devotional to your routines and to your comforts. Your Scorpio other will create an internal pressure to excavate you from the devotional routines which become oppressive. They will burn through the structures which make you feel settled, teach you about emotional intensity, to be spiritually authentic, to let go in order to be reborn. In return they offer their own devotion which matches your own. Together you will create abundance through alchemy.

Gemini Rising

If you have a Gemini rising you will have people recurrently arriving in your life to remind you of the bigger picture, that knowledge is wide and expansive and many tongued and has more than two faces and sides. That while you know a lot about everything, and certainly know many things about everyone, there are still deeper and more complex stories to decode. For such a fluid and dynamic placement, its easy for you to get stuck in the weeds of your own informational fallacies. Sagittarius energy teaches you that justice is generational and multilayered and that there are plot twists and narratives greater than we could possibly imagine.

Cancer Rising

If you have Cancer rising you’ll be drawn to structured, powerful partners that may be older, or have some melancholy, or are full of wisdom, or related in some ways to complex societal truths or structures. Partners who father with a sense of it’s gravity, who are not afraid to take on the burdens of others. You may be attracted to people who are very accomplished, or conversely need your help in some way. You may find relationships of all sorts - but particularly romantic relationships difficult or emotionally challenging until after your Saturn return. (Around age 28) Be careful not to become a martyr in your partnerships or try to overly nurture people who feel cold or intractable, ignoring your own essential needs.

Leo Rising

If you have Leo rising, you’re drawn to people who truly have no fear of their uniqueness. Who are naturally mysterious. Who are a little weird, a little distrustful of easy popularity. You may be obsessed with the Aquarian’s ability to draw a crowd, an aura of novelty around them without trying at all (or without even leaving the house.) You long to be in the spotlight Leo, but often that comes with an ego attachment, a vulnerability around never feeling enough love or adoration from others. There is healing for you in the Aquarians ability to remain neutral in the face of communal validation.

Virgo Rising

If you have a Virgo rising, Pisces energy teaches you about the emotional side communal care. That we can love and envelope others from afar, without discernment, outside of the day to day. That we can love people in dreams or without ever speaking to them again. That care can take many forms, and that to care for others sometimes involves letting them make mistakes, or flounder, or take their own path to self discovery. Pisces energy is non judgemental, its universal. It teaches Virgo to let go of the reigns of control, of purity, of deciding what is right for others, and to have a sense of relaxation and trust. This can be very uncomfortable for a Virgo’s sensibility, as Pisces energy is often quite nebulous. You might be drawn to people who are always needing to be saved, who need your help in some undefinable way. This may feel like catnip for a Virgo rising. You’re extra vulnerable to toxins, Virgo, so be careful you don’t get into a cycle of trying to fix that which is resistant to internal growth.

Libra Rising

If you have Libra rising you are incredibly skilled at finding a middle ground, pleasing others and creating a network of productive partnerships, but prioritizing yourself in a healthy way can be another story. There’s so much focus on the other, on pacifying and placating and weighing and perhaps getting stuck in co-dependancy. It’s essential for Libra risings to learn how to be selfish, and I mean this in the best way possible. To be self interested, to advocate for the self, to do things alone. Aries energy teaches Libras that learning to enjoy your own company is a superpower and that sometimes, only you truly know what you want. That at times, to do something the way you want, you must do it alone. That it’s okay to be a little rude, a little pushy, a little direct. You may be drawn to brash, courageous, braggadocios partners whose manners you find abhorrent. (But you cant help but find it charming.)

Scorpio Rising

Taurus energy will teach a Scorpio to ground, to be measured, to build structures from scorched earth, to delight in the tangible world. Or perhaps that growth does not always come from destruction, but from patience and stillness, that beautiful things can also be deep. To take many breaths before making assumptions. To slow down and trust that the process might be in the mundane, at first. Taurus energy will be something that a Scorpio can truly count on, finally. They will be as devoted as you are, and as stubborn. It’s a match made in Heaven.

Sagittarius Rising

If you have Sagittarius rising, Gemini energy is ready and willing to teach you that the devil is in fact often in the details, that there is delight in breaking down information, that curiosity an ever evolving thing, that by not assuming you have all the information but instead remaining curious, inquisitive and flexible you might in fact gain more than you expect. The two of you love to gossip, and for you both it’s akin to an intellectual art. For Gemini it’s more about who you know, and Sagittarius more about what we know. Gemini energy will delight and challenge you, but ultimately together you will find that the key to knowledge is both inside yourself and in all your expansive, multitudinous networks.

Capricorn Rising

If you have Capricorn rising you may be naturally drawn to nurturing, emotionally intelligent, creative partners who bring warmth and protection to your life. You often feel such a weighty responsibility for others, a feeling that life often brings inevitable suffering, that the only person who you can truly trust is yourself. Cancer energy will dissolve those beliefs. You may look for people to offer the nurturance you didn’t receive in childhood, or through partners that are able to give you a kind of devotion and softness you find difficult to give yourself. Ideally through this you are able to let your guard down, find safety through connection, and in turn offer your structure and protection.

Aquarius Rising

If you have Aquarius rising, sunny Leo energy will teach you that it’s ok to be adored, to be known, to be venerated in society through your many accomplishments. Aquarians are often reluctant to show others their full selves; they pull into distant corners and have a fear that being too popular or rewarded for their innate talents and gifts is somehow bourgeois, obnoxious or self-involved. Leo’s natural delight in the glow of their adoring fans will teach Aquarius how to bask just a little, despite their innate ‘cringe’ response to being front and center.

Pisces Rising

If you have Pisces rising, you’re naturally drawn to people who have a fastidious and deeply work oriented, earthy manner of doing things. Your energy is so vast, so unconfined and ever fluctuating that often times it feels hard to even pinpoint who you are, what you desire or what direction you’re flowing in today. Pisces rising’s embody Neptunian energy at its highest form, which is deeply empathic but also self deceiving. It can be hard for Pisces to discern the best way to use their innate gifts. Virgo energy offers deep wisdom here; how to be of service in the practical, how to offer help to others in a functional, productive way. That getting organized, and looking at details is often the best way to help others rather than getting overwhelmed to the point of burnout. That empathy is essential but that feeling for others without a structured practice often ends in wasted energy. Together you can emulate the power of the large and small, and be vital in your service to humanity.